I have often heard it said that there are friends that are in your life for a reason, for a season, or for a lifetime. And I have become friends with enough people to know that that is true.
I am grateful for the people who come into my life right when I need them, and hope that I can be that type of friend to others as they need me. And sometimes you're friends with people because you're sharing an experience or life event. Those friendship bonds are usually more intense. And even after those people are out of your life, if either of you ever needed anything,you'd be there for each other. The last category is the best one. The people you meet and know you'll be friends with forever, no matter what. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly, they are there for a lifetime.
However, I am sometimes surprised when a friendship ends. It's difficult when friends can't understand if you have had a different experience than them, or if you hold different views than they have. I don't mean agreeing, because you'll never agree with everyone. I'm talking about a friend hearing you, acknowledging you, validating you. If they can't do that, I guess that means they were not true friends to begin with. So today, I am thinking about a specific set of friends that I'm no longer friends with, and with the realization that I had them in one category (friend for life) when they really belonged in another (friend for a season.)
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Paper Butterfly
I was struck by this thought today about something I received about 4 months ago from the daughter of a couple in one of my Bible study groups. Out of the blue she gave me a cut out butterfly and wrote the following: "To Kate, from Heather. I am so glad you are in my Bible study." And on the back: "Jesus loves Kate."
It was such a sweet gesture, and it came at the exact time I could use a sweet gesture. That little girl has a gift and I can't wait to see what kind of woman she will grow up to be. The woman next to me looked to see what I had, and I showed it off proudly. Well, Heather's grandmother saw this and soon slipped away into a room with Heather. And when they emerged, there was a paper butterfly for everyone.
I know her grandmother only wanted everyone to feel special. To teach her granddaughter to be fair. And her grandmother is one of the most loving and caring women I know. I'm not sure if it made everyone feel special, but for whatever reason, it made that special gift to me seem a little less special. And I got to thinking how many times I'm more interested in doing what's fair instead of just doing what I feel the Holy Spirit wants me to do.
It was such a sweet gesture, and it came at the exact time I could use a sweet gesture. That little girl has a gift and I can't wait to see what kind of woman she will grow up to be. The woman next to me looked to see what I had, and I showed it off proudly. Well, Heather's grandmother saw this and soon slipped away into a room with Heather. And when they emerged, there was a paper butterfly for everyone.
I know her grandmother only wanted everyone to feel special. To teach her granddaughter to be fair. And her grandmother is one of the most loving and caring women I know. I'm not sure if it made everyone feel special, but for whatever reason, it made that special gift to me seem a little less special. And I got to thinking how many times I'm more interested in doing what's fair instead of just doing what I feel the Holy Spirit wants me to do.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Prestigious U.
A year and a half ago while I was living in New York City, I applied to Prestigious University so that I could complete my Bachelor Degree. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life, or at least several more years, in NY. But God had different plans.
Well, I was accepted to Prestigious U. Unbelievable. And thus began my journey of believing I may actually be smarter than I gave myself credit for. And that in itself is quite a journey.
When I moved back to MI, I informed Prestigious U. that I would be deferring my education for a year. And this past year I have thought about attending often. However, I also was able to live back in the state where my friends and family live. Where I am near my son, my daughter-in-law, and my precious granddaughter. The state where I will be having another grandchild in January. It got harder and harder to imagine leaving. And if I planned to live in Detroit the rest of my life, do I really need a degree from such a costly and prestigious university?
Today I received an email from Prestigious U. asking me about my intentions for this year. I wrote back declining their invitation. Such a hard thing to do. I admit, I am feeling a bit sad right now. And determined to encourage my grandchildren to go to whatever university they dream of.
Well, I was accepted to Prestigious U. Unbelievable. And thus began my journey of believing I may actually be smarter than I gave myself credit for. And that in itself is quite a journey.
When I moved back to MI, I informed Prestigious U. that I would be deferring my education for a year. And this past year I have thought about attending often. However, I also was able to live back in the state where my friends and family live. Where I am near my son, my daughter-in-law, and my precious granddaughter. The state where I will be having another grandchild in January. It got harder and harder to imagine leaving. And if I planned to live in Detroit the rest of my life, do I really need a degree from such a costly and prestigious university?
Today I received an email from Prestigious U. asking me about my intentions for this year. I wrote back declining their invitation. Such a hard thing to do. I admit, I am feeling a bit sad right now. And determined to encourage my grandchildren to go to whatever university they dream of.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Being Single
I love the daily emails I get each day: a devotional; one from Story People; and one from 1000 Awesome Things. The following is from the latter. I'm encouraged by this post and am embracing my singlehood.
#240 Being single
Posted: 19 May 2011 09:01 PM PDT
We see you, we hear you.
We see those movie endings and we hear those greeting cards. We know the cheesy quotes and we sing those ballads at bars. We feel those preaching choirs and we read those magazine tips. We feel our parents pushing and we hear your chatty lips.
Yes, we know having a boyfriend is great and we know it’s beautiful and kind. But all we’re saying today, and all we’re trying to prove, is that you don’t need a killer girlfriend to have a killer mood.
Let’s chat about ten winning ways to celebrate your solo days:
1. Some like it hot. When you’re on your own you’re the master of the tank and the chances of a random flush scalding your skin is pretty slim. You’re less likely to run out of hot water so just twist that dial and soak into the zone.
2. One set of parents. Sure, you lose out on some inlaw naps but you could gain back holiday budgets, extra bedrooms, and Saturday evenings. Note to any inlaws reading this: This entry is about other inlaws, not you.
3. Take back the night. When you’re bumping around by yourself there’s no need to worry about making too much noise early or late. Tiptoes, quiet TV watching, and softly shutting doors take a backseat to cranking tunes, late-night phone calls, and your big galoomping feet.
4. Don’t be an ass. Single folks have no obligation to do joint Halloween costumes like Beauty and the Beast or the classic two-person donkey. Because don’t we all feel a little bit sorry for that couple dressed as Salt and Pepper shakers leaving the party at 10pm?
5. Flirt like you mean it. Chitchatting with sparkly objects of your desire is good fun. When you’re single ditch the guilt and holler at the busty waitress or chiseled cop. Not only is it exciting, but you’re growing your social skills and constantly meeting new people.
6. Getting to know you. You’re the only you you’ve got. Born and blasted into the world you’re a baby brain who flies through life forming crackly connections with everyone you meet. But getting to know yourself through experiences and deep thoughts adds important shapes and smears to your identity.
7. Bargain basement holidays. Tap your wallet and smile next time you walk by a towering Valentine’s Day display of heart-filled chocolates and pink teddy bears.
8. You can get with this or you can get with that. Are you hungry at 11pm? Get a burger! Are you bored on a Saturday night? Hit the scene! Do you want to free up your busy weekend or busy up your free one? Well the choice is yours! You can get with this or you can get with that. I think you’ll get with this for this is where it’s at.
9. Own your bed, own your life. When you’re single the entire bed is yours and you can test a variety of Starfish poses, Chun-Li leg kick positions, or even the extremely bold diagonal sleeping. (Rarely done.)
10. Embrace your disgusting habits. Clipping your toenails in bed, napping in piles of dirty clothes, or chomping greasy handfuls of potato chips over the sink is fine, fine, fine. The mirror won’t judge you and neither will anybody else.
People, let’s hear it today for being single. Exploring the world, finding adventures, and scoping big scenes are hallmarks of being cool with being you. Because look — falling in love is great and falling in love is nice but that doesn’t mean going alone can’t also be sugar and spice. Good days and bad days, setting suns and shining stars, it’s all about perspective and focusing on who you are. Because if all you need is love, and all love needs is you, then it’s great to relax and enjoy… just being you with you.
AWESOME!
#240 Being single
Posted: 19 May 2011 09:01 PM PDT
We see you, we hear you.
We see those movie endings and we hear those greeting cards. We know the cheesy quotes and we sing those ballads at bars. We feel those preaching choirs and we read those magazine tips. We feel our parents pushing and we hear your chatty lips.
Yes, we know having a boyfriend is great and we know it’s beautiful and kind. But all we’re saying today, and all we’re trying to prove, is that you don’t need a killer girlfriend to have a killer mood.
Let’s chat about ten winning ways to celebrate your solo days:
1. Some like it hot. When you’re on your own you’re the master of the tank and the chances of a random flush scalding your skin is pretty slim. You’re less likely to run out of hot water so just twist that dial and soak into the zone.
2. One set of parents. Sure, you lose out on some inlaw naps but you could gain back holiday budgets, extra bedrooms, and Saturday evenings. Note to any inlaws reading this: This entry is about other inlaws, not you.
3. Take back the night. When you’re bumping around by yourself there’s no need to worry about making too much noise early or late. Tiptoes, quiet TV watching, and softly shutting doors take a backseat to cranking tunes, late-night phone calls, and your big galoomping feet.
4. Don’t be an ass. Single folks have no obligation to do joint Halloween costumes like Beauty and the Beast or the classic two-person donkey. Because don’t we all feel a little bit sorry for that couple dressed as Salt and Pepper shakers leaving the party at 10pm?
5. Flirt like you mean it. Chitchatting with sparkly objects of your desire is good fun. When you’re single ditch the guilt and holler at the busty waitress or chiseled cop. Not only is it exciting, but you’re growing your social skills and constantly meeting new people.
6. Getting to know you. You’re the only you you’ve got. Born and blasted into the world you’re a baby brain who flies through life forming crackly connections with everyone you meet. But getting to know yourself through experiences and deep thoughts adds important shapes and smears to your identity.
7. Bargain basement holidays. Tap your wallet and smile next time you walk by a towering Valentine’s Day display of heart-filled chocolates and pink teddy bears.
8. You can get with this or you can get with that. Are you hungry at 11pm? Get a burger! Are you bored on a Saturday night? Hit the scene! Do you want to free up your busy weekend or busy up your free one? Well the choice is yours! You can get with this or you can get with that. I think you’ll get with this for this is where it’s at.
9. Own your bed, own your life. When you’re single the entire bed is yours and you can test a variety of Starfish poses, Chun-Li leg kick positions, or even the extremely bold diagonal sleeping. (Rarely done.)
10. Embrace your disgusting habits. Clipping your toenails in bed, napping in piles of dirty clothes, or chomping greasy handfuls of potato chips over the sink is fine, fine, fine. The mirror won’t judge you and neither will anybody else.
People, let’s hear it today for being single. Exploring the world, finding adventures, and scoping big scenes are hallmarks of being cool with being you. Because look — falling in love is great and falling in love is nice but that doesn’t mean going alone can’t also be sugar and spice. Good days and bad days, setting suns and shining stars, it’s all about perspective and focusing on who you are. Because if all you need is love, and all love needs is you, then it’s great to relax and enjoy… just being you with you.
AWESOME!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Courtesy
I went away last weekend to the Big Ticket Festival (think Christian Woodstock) with my cousins. (A big shout out right now to Len and Patty for their friendship and generosity!) My cousins left on Wednesday, and since I didn't want to miss my Wednesday night class, I drove up on Thursday morning with a couple from my church and Bible Study group.
You know how sometimes a simple act sticks with you? That happened on my trip to the festival in Ionia that Thursday morning. And I'm sure it will stick with me for a long time to come. Each time I got into their car, at my apartment and later at a rest stop, Greg would help his wife was in the car and close the door. And then, he took the time to make sure I was in and close my door.
It's not that I'm unaccustomed to having someone perform simple acts of courtesy for me. It was in the way he did it: humbly, naturally, easily. I felt so much love through that simple act. So much that I wanted to share it with everyone. I hope it is a reminder to me that we never know how someone is affected by what we do, but when we do things with love, it leaves a lasting impression.
Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put in that action.
Mother Teresa
You know how sometimes a simple act sticks with you? That happened on my trip to the festival in Ionia that Thursday morning. And I'm sure it will stick with me for a long time to come. Each time I got into their car, at my apartment and later at a rest stop, Greg would help his wife was in the car and close the door. And then, he took the time to make sure I was in and close my door.
It's not that I'm unaccustomed to having someone perform simple acts of courtesy for me. It was in the way he did it: humbly, naturally, easily. I felt so much love through that simple act. So much that I wanted to share it with everyone. I hope it is a reminder to me that we never know how someone is affected by what we do, but when we do things with love, it leaves a lasting impression.
Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put in that action.
Mother Teresa
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Happy Father's Day
I remember the last time I saw my father. If I had one word to describe the visit, it would be surrender. I believe that as I sat on his bed in the nursing home reading Psalm 51 out loud, he was able to surrender to whatever it was he needed to. I felt that he was at peace. There is also part of me that believes that I had somehow given him permission to let go and die. There is so much I don't know about my father. I never asked him about how he grew up, about the relationship he had with his mother or his father. About the only thing he talked to me about were his Navy days. I cling to those memories. And the memories that I have of him when I was a child. Him making up stories about tugboats that had my name, and the name of my brother and sister. And the game we called good daddy, bad monster--he was a nice daddy one moment and with a push of the "button" (his forehead) he turned to growling and tickling. My sister and I were younger than my three older siblings, so a lot my memories were with just us. I think my father never had enough courage or never knew how to overcome his feelings of fear or failure. That saddens me so much. I am grateful now to know that he is perfect and happy and whole in heaven.
I also think of my son's father, our choices, and how the actions of my 17 year-old self has determined my son's future but not his destiny. Or his legacy.
Today, I get to spend the day with my son who is a father now. To watch him be a parent is the most incredible gift God has ever given me. He is learning to be a husband, a father, and a man without having the example of what that looks like modeled for him. I'm sad for that. But I am grateful for the love he had of his grandparents, especially his grandfather. I am really proud of him and of how is figuring things out for himself.
My wish for father's everywhere, actually men everywhere, is that they have and are models for each other. Happy Father's Day to all the men who are fathers, and a special thank you to those of you who have helped all the fathers and fathers-to-be who haven't had a father of their own.
I also think of my son's father, our choices, and how the actions of my 17 year-old self has determined my son's future but not his destiny. Or his legacy.
Today, I get to spend the day with my son who is a father now. To watch him be a parent is the most incredible gift God has ever given me. He is learning to be a husband, a father, and a man without having the example of what that looks like modeled for him. I'm sad for that. But I am grateful for the love he had of his grandparents, especially his grandfather. I am really proud of him and of how is figuring things out for himself.
My wish for father's everywhere, actually men everywhere, is that they have and are models for each other. Happy Father's Day to all the men who are fathers, and a special thank you to those of you who have helped all the fathers and fathers-to-be who haven't had a father of their own.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
God Bless You
Haven't heard this phrase since I left NYC, at least not in this context. What context is that, you ask?
Walking down the street at WSU from class to the parking garage. Spoken by a Spanish man walking towards me. A compliment, not a blessing. Another favorite I used to get was, "Thank you, Mommy." Spanish men in cities definitely have their own way of saying things.
Still a compliment is a compliment, and I'll take it.
Walking down the street at WSU from class to the parking garage. Spoken by a Spanish man walking towards me. A compliment, not a blessing. Another favorite I used to get was, "Thank you, Mommy." Spanish men in cities definitely have their own way of saying things.
Still a compliment is a compliment, and I'll take it.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
The Responsible Thing
Just got back from class. We got out early tonight, right after watching a movie, The Battle of Algiers. Interesting movie--interesting in the way French sub-titled movies about history are interesting. Sadly, I am a notorious nerd and really liked it. I am the kind of person who smiles and nods during films when the underdog gets away with something, or beats the cruel, evil oppressor. So I smiled and nodded a few times (and watched some of my classmates do the new-aged doodling--you know, googling on their smart phones!
I think the reason my professor let us out early is because we had to turn in our first essay assignment. Five pages on what assumptions and perceptions brought about the Cold War. And how the "Third World" countries figured into the bipolar world that developed. Fun stuff. And frankly, I'm a little afraid to get this paper back. It may very well be the worst paper I've written. Sadly, I spent a pretty good deal of time on it, too. Well, at least I finished it. (I'm guessing the 1/3 of my classmates who didn't show up tonight, did not.)
The good news about tonight was we got our first quiz back. A map quiz. I received 100%! I now know where almost every European, African, and Asian country is located. And some Oceans, major Seas and Gulfs, too! So I decided to celebrate on the way home. My first stop was the pizza shop. That's right, a hot slice so I didn't have to make dinner when I got home. So I get back in my car and...my car doesn't start. (Right now I could explain a bit about the hoopde I'm driving, or show a picture of me with my car, but I'll save that for another time.) I eat my slice in my car, say some prayers and--viola, it starts! (Still a little caught up with French from the film.) So I decided to do the responsible thing.
I stopped at a party store (Okay, maybe not so responsible) and tried to buy a couple of looseys. (A loosey, as I discovered while living in New York, is a bottle of loose beer--you don't have to buy a six pack when you only want one beer.) No luck, no looseys at this party store, so I bought a six pack, which should last me into summer. (Or maybe not since I'm now living a 20 something lifestyle?)
I think the reason my professor let us out early is because we had to turn in our first essay assignment. Five pages on what assumptions and perceptions brought about the Cold War. And how the "Third World" countries figured into the bipolar world that developed. Fun stuff. And frankly, I'm a little afraid to get this paper back. It may very well be the worst paper I've written. Sadly, I spent a pretty good deal of time on it, too. Well, at least I finished it. (I'm guessing the 1/3 of my classmates who didn't show up tonight, did not.)
The good news about tonight was we got our first quiz back. A map quiz. I received 100%! I now know where almost every European, African, and Asian country is located. And some Oceans, major Seas and Gulfs, too! So I decided to celebrate on the way home. My first stop was the pizza shop. That's right, a hot slice so I didn't have to make dinner when I got home. So I get back in my car and...my car doesn't start. (Right now I could explain a bit about the hoopde I'm driving, or show a picture of me with my car, but I'll save that for another time.) I eat my slice in my car, say some prayers and--viola, it starts! (Still a little caught up with French from the film.) So I decided to do the responsible thing.
I stopped at a party store (Okay, maybe not so responsible) and tried to buy a couple of looseys. (A loosey, as I discovered while living in New York, is a bottle of loose beer--you don't have to buy a six pack when you only want one beer.) No luck, no looseys at this party store, so I bought a six pack, which should last me into summer. (Or maybe not since I'm now living a 20 something lifestyle?)
Monday, May 16, 2011
A New Day, A New Blog
I am out of practice, so far as blogging goes. Well, come to think of it, I'm out of practice with a lot of things...but I digress. I started a blog back when I moved to New York in 2008. It was a great way to keep in touch with family and friends, and I learned that it was a great way for me to process the many things that were happening in my life. You can check out my old blog,
A Michigander Grows in Brooklyn, at http://amichigandergrowsinbrooklyn.blogspot.com/ if you want. (Although, I think it's just my ego that thinks you'd want to do so.)
I moved back to Michigan last summer, and even though a wrote a couple of posts, I didn't get back into blogging regularly. But I have realized lately that I really miss it. So after coming up with a new name that suits my present circumstances better, I am back at it.
Not much time to write today, I'm off to my first class at WSU (Wayne State University.) Yes, at the age of 45, I am attending my first university course--just one of the ways I'm Living My Backward's Life.
A Michigander Grows in Brooklyn, at http://amichigandergrowsinbrooklyn.blogspot.com/ if you want. (Although, I think it's just my ego that thinks you'd want to do so.)
I moved back to Michigan last summer, and even though a wrote a couple of posts, I didn't get back into blogging regularly. But I have realized lately that I really miss it. So after coming up with a new name that suits my present circumstances better, I am back at it.
Not much time to write today, I'm off to my first class at WSU (Wayne State University.) Yes, at the age of 45, I am attending my first university course--just one of the ways I'm Living My Backward's Life.
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